This was posted on a forum I’m a member of. Wanted to share with you all. Really funny but still carries some truth in it…
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Dear Non-Pregnant Person,
I hope you find these guidelines helpful in your interactions with pregnant women, as failing to follow them may result in serious physical harm. If you are thinking, surely she doesn’t mean me – then you should probably read this twice.
1. The appropriate response to a couple telling you they are having a baby is ‘Congratulations!’ with enthusiasm. Any other response makes you a jerk.
2. Through the wonders of science, we now know that babies are made ONLY by the mother and father – not grandparents. Unless the baby is in your uterus or you are the man that helped put it there, you may not ever use the phrase ‘my baby’.
3. On the same note, unless you made the baby as defined in 2, the pregnancy, birth, and raising of the child are not about you. You do not have input. No one wants to hear your opinion unless they ask for it…
4. The body of a pregnant woman should be treated the same as any other body. You would not randomly touch someone’s stomach if they were not pregnant, nor would you inquire into the condition of their uterus, cervix, or how they plan to use their breasts. Pregnancy does not remove all traces of privacy from a woman.
5. Likewise, no woman wants to hear comments on her weight…ever. A pregnant woman does not find it flattering that you think she is about is pop, must be having twins, looks swollen or has gained weight in her face. Telling her she looks too small only makes her worry that she is somehow starving her baby. Making such comments invite her to critique your physical appearance and you may not act offended. The only acceptable comment on appearance is ‘You look fabulous!’.
6. By the time we are 20-30 years old, most of us have picked up on the fact that the summer is hot. We are hot every summer when we are not pregnant. We don’t need you to point out that we will be miserably hot before the baby comes. Nor do we need to know how badly you will feel for us because we will be pregnant during the summer and how glad you are that YOU will not be pregnant this coming summer.
7. There is a reason that tickets to Labor & Delivery are not yet sold on Ticketmaster. Childbirth is actually not a public event. It may sound crazy, but some women really do not relish the idea of their mother, MIL, or a host of other family members seeing their bare butt and genitals. Also, some people simply feel like the birth of their child is a private and emotional moment to be shared only by the parents. You weren’t invited to be there when the baby was created, you probably won’t be invited to be there when it comes out either.
8. Like everything else in life, unless you receive an invitation, you are NOT invited. This includes doctor appointments, ultrasounds, labor, delivery, the hospital, and the parent’s home. You do not decide if you will be there for the birth or if you will move in with the new parents to ‘help out’. If your assistance is desired, rest assured that you will be asked for it.
9. If you are asked to help after the birth, this means you should clean up the house, help with cooking meals, and generally stay out of the way. Holding the baby more than the parents, interfering with breastfeeding and sleeping schedules, and making a woman who is still leaking fluid from multiple locations lift a finger in housework is not helping.
10. The only people entitled to time with the baby are the parents. Whether they choose to have you at the hospital for the birth or ask for you to wait three weeks to visit, appreciate that you are being given the privilege of seeing their child. Complaining or showing disappointment only encourages the parents to include you less.
Sincerely,
All the Pregnant Women in the World
OMG! I love this. It should be framed and sold in stores
I think someone is mad at Mom or Mom-in-law. I hope it doesn’t backfire.
My grandkids are my babies. My kids are grateful that I take them for week-ends or even weeks. They are grateful that the kids are eager to be with Nana. They are grateful that the have Moms that take part in loving their children. I attend doctor appointments, ultrasounds, labor, delivery (daughters not daughter in laws), and the hospital because I care.
Sorry but that writer is a selfish person and a little to self centered to be a Mom.
I really think it depends on the relationship with said Mother or Mother-in-Law. I for one, would rather my Mom and mom-in-law remain obsolete until she is invited to participate. The generation gap makes me crazy. I don’t believe that grandparents have carte blanche when it comes to there participation in the rearing of there grandchildren, its a privileged not a right.
I find it offensive when grandparents call their grandkids “their babies”…. come on now. Lets give the parents credit where its due. You had “your” kids now let your kids retain possession of theirs.
This isn’t an all inclusive post, perhaps you should find a similar post that supports your situation.
I hate how people just assume that the desire for privacy means negative feelings toward someone. That is incredibly insulting. You attend because you care? I sure hope you were invited to go first. You sound like the kind of woman who would be offended if the mom of HER baby didn’t deliver the baby the same way you did or ask your advice on breastfeeding technique.
I love my mom dearly. She is my best friend and I have every intention of inviting her to the hospital when I give birth. Will she be in the delivery room while I scream obscenities and try to push that baby out? No. The only person who will witness me in that state is my husband and the doctors and nurses that I’m paying to be there.
Also amen to #4.
Just because that is the way things are done in YOUR family, doesn’t make it right for everyone. I have been at multiple friends and family members child births, and personally don’t want a crowd at mine. As a first time mother, I want it just to be me and my husband, my mom has 9 kids and 18 grandkids, she’s not missing out on anything she hasn’t seen, it doesn’t mean I am mad at her or have issues. Once they are more than a few weeks old yes it is great to have a sitter for the weekend, and when they are that little Nana is no different than the mail lady, sorry, you are just another person. The writer was saying don’t think you can come chill when she doesn’t have the energy to shower let alone entertain guests, it is called etiquette. YOU ARE BEING SELFISH to think its okay to just say hey new mom, and fragile child my right as a grand parent is more important than you. If you are there to help post birth, TOTALLY different story, if you are invited to anything, again different story,and I am sure she appreciates mothers and in laws who are involved but at a respectable level. These are her children, not yours. Grandparents are great, I adore mine, but they are not my parent, and I am not their baby. God forbid a parent who actaully wants to parent, instead of them pawning them off like we so often see these days.
ALSO, being there post game at the hospital is ALOT different than being present at the actual birth. Give the mother & father time to bond with their new baby, before you come scoop them up like a hawk. Family members are appropriate to be at the hospital, but every neighbor or friend? Not really.
And when baby comes home, their needs and wants are more important than anyone’s desire to meet baby and congratulate mom. If you are helping, then listen to advice given, not just expect to cuddle baby the whole time you’re there, they can give plenty of love to their child. A new mom needs HELP with everything else.
You sound like TORTURE Judith. I am 4 weeks away from having my first baby- and NO Nana- not your baby. Moms and Mother in Laws- stay away and please learn your place!!! This is a time for me and my husband. Not you. There is no place for you at any appointments. You sound like WAY TO MUCH WORK!!! All I can say is- God bless your daughter!
I cannot believe you would call someone selfish! If your grand kids are truly yours were you in the room when they were conceived? I’m sorry I’m 17 weeks pregnant and have no intention of my mom or mother-in-law being in the delivery room. Doctors appointments and ultrasounds for me so far have been about sharing a bond with my husband and the fact that WE created a beautiful baby not to be shown off to the entire family. After delivery I have no problem with my family coming in but until then I believe my family, meaning me, my husband, and my newborn need bonding time, without the interruption of obsessive grandparents and annoying mother-in-laws.
This isn’t saying we DONT want you here it’s saying you should never feel you have the RIGHT to see inside her vagina just because you are a grandparent. You were not there for creation, you don’t need to be there for exit unless we want you there, this is moreso stating it is parents choice, not everyone elses.
This is great! I had to repost it:http://lbandj.blogspot.com/2011/03/dear-non-pregnant-person-too-true.html
LB recently posted..Dear Non-Pregnant Person too true!
Amen to #4!
Wombat Central recently posted..I Say Coupon- You Say Q-pon
Can I repost? (saw your link on fb)
Ha ha ha ha!
Mommy en France recently posted..And the sheet goes on
This is brilliant!!!!
To anyone who thinks this is selfish…please, give it a rest. There is enough going on with pregnancy, and getting used to having a baby that we do not need to impose in any way. Give advice ONLY if asked for. ONLY positive remarks! Comments should come in the form of “I’m sure you and your doctor have it covered!” and “you are a natural at this”.
Hoooorah!
my fave’s are rules 2 and 3! I think those things all the time and I’ve never even been pregnant. LOVE THIS POST!!! also I will admit to breaking the belly touching rule. but for the record I am working on it…
The very first woman that wrote a comment has apparently missed the entire point and is either the appreciated and precious grandmother that all grandmothers should be (meaning she’s there for everything she’s meant to be there for, but doesn’t impose) OR she’s the exact person this was written for (as I suspect is more likely considering she called the writer
“selfish” and acts as if she too never was in the situation of pregnancy and delivery and required some privacy and sensitivity). Sheesh! When I have another baby this just may be tattooed somewhere on me.
Oh Please, Not all pregnant women are this selfish and self centered! As a mother of two, I wanted my mother with me for the first one, she was unable to be there due to illness, so my grandmother was with me. Thank goodness. I moved in with my mother so she would have time with my new baby, thank God I did, since she passed away with in 18 months. Some of this may be true but thinking of others my be beneficial to you also!
Point 10 is my life! My mother in law (and her mother in law also) constantly find criticism with my 18-month-old son, along the lines of “why hasn’t he stopped breastfeeding yet? Won’t he take a bottle?” or “look at his feet, aren’t they flat!” or “He’s not saying ‘nana’ yet. His cousin was saying it months earlier than this”. And then whinge and bitch that I don’t fall over my own feet in my eagerness to let him spend time with them. Gah.
Glad to know the rules on how to treat pregnant women. Perhaps you can do one on how pregnant women should act. I understand the concept that hormones run crazy but pregnancies have been happening forever. Some women need to be reminded that their pregnancy may cause others to feel inadequate. I’ve been unable to conceive for the 6+ years I’ve been trying. I don’t bandy it about but seeing a pregnant women being overly demanding and expecting the world to cater to her hurts a little bit each time. It’s respect in general that everyone needs to remember. I’d appreciate not having it thrown in my face that others have been able to succeed where I’ve failed, and I don’t typically complain about it.
This post is throwing that in your face? Really Next time I’m pregnant, I’ll try to remember not to celebrate my new baby in case people like you think my happiness is “throwing their failure in their face” Get over yourself.
God Help us.. .You cant have kids, so we should not celebrate ours or have any complaints? I bet 100% you would be the first to expect special treatment if you did get pregnant and the world and its mother would have to hear for the full40 weeks how you struggled to conceive blah blah blah…
Just as you said the 1st person to comment didn’t read this right you’ll aren’t reading what this person wrote right shes saying how “some” pregnant act and I 100% agree so what if your pregnant do we have to bow down and kiss your feet and wait on you every second? I know 1 person who is exactly this way and its a little annoying and I do have a child and never acted that way!
“Unless the baby is in your uterus or you are the man that helped put it there, you may not ever use the phrase ‘my baby’.”
Huh. So I guess the fact that my husband and I are expecting our baby through the help of an amazing gestational surrogate (the baby was created with my and my husband’s genetics, btw) means that it’s not REALLY “my” baby. Ya know, since my husband didn’t “put it there” and it’s not in MY uterus.
Thanks for marginalizing and demeaning all parents of children born through surrogacy and adoption! Well done!
SIncerely,
All Mothers who, because of infertility, will never be lucky enough to be treated as equals.
YEA. CLEARLY that’s what the poster was trying to say. “HAHAHAHA YOU CAN’T GET PREGNANT, ITS NOT ACTUALLY YOURS!” Get over yourself. It clearly stated it was about GRANDparents trying to take over and making things about them. I would feel bad if it was just you representing all mothers using surrogates. I’m a egg donor, doesn’t mean I have anything to do with the child or how it’s raised. It’s none of my business.
Wow, it is amazing how bitchy women are… both pregnant and non-pregnant women… just because you don’t agree with someone is no reason to be rude, call the other person wrong, demean their experiences, etc… Everyone handles pregnancy differently, some people really don’t mind having their belly touched, others can’t stand it. Some people are more open and others are private. Let everyone have their own preferences without assuming that they are stupid or wrong just because they prefer things differently than you.
This is one of the most self-centered posts I have read. Each situation is different from other ones. What if a single mom (due to whatever reason) lives with her mom, and her mom is the only one to help her with her baby and be there when the baby is born so the mother doesn’t go through that alone? and YES people should be sensitive to women of infertility. I understand you want to be happy about being pregnant but don’t rub it in people’s faces that can’t have kids.Women need to get over themselves and realize there are other people in the world that want to love on their kids. If you don’t want any others to be a part of the pregnancy, then you shouldn’t expect the people to want any other part of your child’s life. good grief.
Dear Pregnant Women of the World,
There are 6 billion people in the world. All those people have mothers. YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL!
Sincerely,
Everyone Else
I wish there were a “like” button for this comment!
= “me! me! me! no shut up; ME!” and here i thought we had facebook for that.
if your relationship with your parents is that f*d up still, might want to hang with your therapist a while before you pop out a couple puppies of your own.
gentlemen, if the Leading Lady expresses such opinions, you would be wise to consider whether your inclusion on the list of People Who Matter is really entirely genuine.
http://www.stfuparentsblog.com/
Here is a site you should go to… Shut the Fuck up… parents.
oh pleeeeeeeeeeasssse can i come round and do your housework? oh please oh please oh please? it would be a great honor to tidy up after you!!!
stfu.
As a woman who was trying for a baby for 3 and a half years i agree with everything in the funny post. My mother in law was and is a nightmare so much so that i finally sootd up for myself and stopped all contact with her when my baby was 3 months old. From the day i met her she was nothing but nasty to me, calling me names, ruining my birthdays by starting fights between me, my hubby and herself. And then complaining that I wasn’t “mixing” with her and she wondered why. she spent every moment before i became pregnant making our relationship stressful and hellish. When we discovered we were pregnant she was over the moon and turned into a humble grandma type, telling me how stressful and scary her pregnancies were and how she wished she’d been able to rest and bond just a little before letting the rest of the family loose on the baby. as the months passed, hubbys father, who i had thought was nice initially became more and more strange to me. he insisted on trying to touch my bump (which i wasnt comfortable with as i have issues with trusting older men stemming from assaults that have left me fairly traumatised). He came over to help us decorate our new home one day and commented on how large my breasts were (totally inappropriate) then lit up a cigarette less than two feet away from me, when we had spent the whole day trying to clean the nicoteen stains on the ceilings from the previous owner. I asked him to stop and please smoke outside if he needs to smoke. later that day I went into the kitchen to grab a drink and he followed me and told me (threatened me, or atleast it felt that way) “when my wives (3 of them, all divorced) used to try to tell me what to do i’d whack them”. that freaked me out enough to stop contact with him that day, for both my safety and my babies safety. he also told me that “i’m more excited about the baby than you, you have no idea”. 3 and a half years of trying and praying say otherwise mister… My hubbys grandmother proclaimed that “when the baby gets here i am going to snatch her up and never give her back”. as well as telling me how big i’d gotten and regularly phoning to tell hubby to make sure i’m taking my prenatals… like i’m a kid.. (I’m 24, she is 66 and the passive aggressive mother of a 43year old son who hasnt left home yet, because she wont let him)… stopped contact there. Mother in law seemed pleasant, she went through a hideous episode of breast cancer and again, like before i was pregnant and she had skin cancer (we werent even talking at the time because of the way she had treated me), i sent flowers to her to show her that I CARE and that I do NOT wish her dead. never got a thank you, never even got a smile after she’d gotten over it.
And then my daughter was born, after an exhausting and terrifying 109 and a half hour labour. yes 109! spanning days where i hadnt slept, had barely eaten, was deathly pale. i lost 4 pints of blood and nearly died there in the birthing room. I had a cut that left me unable to sit up or reach my baby in her hospital cot and was fairly ignored by busy nurses when i asked for help. most terrifying experience of my life that left me in a deep post natal depression for months. all i knew at the time is that I must get myself and my baby home where my hubby can take care of us. i dischared us both as soon as baby got the greenlight at 11pm the day after giving birth. and we drove the 40minutes from the hospital to our house. the instant we got home, hubby got a text from his mother which said “no one can believe i havent seen my little grandaughter yet, how selfish”. i swear at that point if i hadnt been so exhausted and broken spirited i would have ran the 40minute trip and punched her lights out. Over xmas, i was still very poorly (my daughter was 7weeks old at that point and had a bad cold), i was still on iron tablets, very pale and dizzy most of the time and still in severe pain from my war wound. the mother in law spent all of 4weeks prior telling us how we were to travel the 40minutes there and 40minutes back on xmas day (our very first family xmas) with a 7week old so she could give her some money for her savings account. I protested, saying that i would very much like to spend our first xmas day at home, take some pictures and just be the three of us, seeing that we had been forced to take our 3 day old on that trip when doctors and midwives had ordered us to stay at home, and had both gotten very ill. we said that we could come by on boxing day if baby was feeling better or that they could come to ours on boxing day, no she said. they had made plans for boxing day. (but our plans and aspirations to our long awaited daughters first xmas didnt matter to her in the slightest and she threw a tantrum after tantrum over how we were cutting her out) [self fulfilling prophecy]. the next month was a blur, then she kicked off again after i made it clear that she wouldnt be taking my 3 month old exclusivly breastfed baby anywhere day or night, because she needs mommies milk and mommy for that matter. she threw huge tantrums, and we caught her on facebook slagging me off yet again. that was it, I can no longer look her in the eye and i dont wish to. if my daughter wishes to know her in the future, that is up to my daughter, but while she is a child, she wont be going anywhere near hubby’s messed up family.
Hubby supports this fully, and i support him fully. he knows what she has been doing, he sees the texts she sends him slagging off the mother of his child. In this whole thing, i was treated like a surrogate for her as she got two sons and only really wanted a daughter. the second my baby was born, that was it for me, i was no longer accepted in the family and i was treated just as before. my company was tolerated like a wetnurse for a victorian family whos infants mother was preoccupied with business.
This is my story of why this appeals to me and so many like me who tried their darndest to get along with their in-laws but was treated like a third wheel in their own pregnancy. My baby is no-ones baby except my hubby’s and my own. and i correct my own mother when she calls my daughter “my baby”, with a simple yet innocent “mum, i am your baby, [name] is MY baby and your grandbaby” we laugh and she accepts that she has offended me and apologises and is rewarded with invites to our house fortnightly (we live 60minues apart).
I suffered through all sorts of depression, ttcing like a woman possessed and the abuse of my in-laws to get my daughter, and when i was pregnant i may have been a little smug. but why shouldnt i have been, i spent so long hoping and praying, to suddenly become blessed in such a massive way i felt like i finally had done something right in my life. but while i invited the mother in law to the ultrasound she turned me down, i invited her over for tea several times during my pregnancy she turned me down last minute and then had the tenacity to say that i have never invited her over or included her in anything and was cutting her out.
my in-laws may be the exception. i have friends who have normal in-laws who welcome them with open arms and let them make their own and head their own households.
but when i was pregnant, i sent this to my mother in law, she laughed about it with me and we joked about how she wished she’d been able to send something like this around when she had been pregnant, to then go and do all of the above makes me sad.
I wanted nothing more than a big extended family for get togethers and support, it breaks my heart that i’m missing out on this all because she refused to accept me before she even got to know me, then turned on me the second she got what she wanted from me.
Mother-in-laws everywhere, remember that your daughter in laws have feelings too. and they are generally working towards the same goal to make your sons happy. even if you don’t see eye to eye with them, never complain about them to your son (unless they are genuinely nasty to you or treat your son poorly). we are you 20 years later. desperate to seek approval of their in-laws and make the right impressions from the start.
I tried for years too long to get this woman to just accept me and respect my rights to parent the way i choose to. and it ended up making us all further apart. my daughter is now 10months old, and me and my baby havent seen mother in law since my baby was 3months old. and not planning on seeing her any time soon.
wahh, this random internet post froma stranger doesnt exactly depict my life’s wants needs and beliefs! how dare you post such drivel! this gives me carte blanche to be a complete cuntbag!